Photographic Proof

So I caught Jude in the act today, once again, out into the garage, up into his stroller and ready to ride! Yes, we are geting a new door knob with a lock on it this weekend!

He certainly thinks he's Mr. Clever!

Baby Proof

So, it turns out we are going to have to do a bit more baby proofing. Well, Jude proofing. Jude's new thing is doors - he loves opening them - car doors, house doors, etc. He's also into buttons of any kind, if there's a button, he'll push it.

He likes to open the door between the house and the garage and venture out into the garage - of course, nothing there is baby safe. He started a new trick today when I left him unattended in the garage for a minute - he climbed up into his stroller, sat down and pulled the tray down in front of him. He was ready to go for a walk - hint, hint! It's amazing to me how he becomes more "person-like" every day, even when that means pushing MY buttons and his boundaries.

My friend Joann took some amazing photos of Jude the other day so I thought I'd share them here...

Lists...

I love lists. I love making lists, I love compiling lists, I love looking at lists, I love checking things off of lists. I love different kinds of lists: to do, to buy, to watch, to read, to listen to, lists of questions, lists of traits, things I've done, listened to, watched, read, places I've been. I love them!

So I have quite a number of books of lists. Some of them list things for you, others are lists of questions, and others are full of blank lists for you to fill out about yourself and your life - those are probably my favourite. I'm also a bit of an introspective person so I like to think about what's going on inside of me and why I do what I do.

So I thought that I would occasionally take some of those question books and fill in those answers here on my blog for all the world to see.

I'll do a couple today, keeping in mind that the answers can change, be added to or deleted as I grow and change too. I hope that some of these questions and lists get you thinking too.

List all the qualities you love about being human...

• Free will (sometimes). I trust God, I sometimes wish that He could make all my decisions for me, knowing that He loves me completely, wants the best for me and is all-knowing and all-wise. However, I am thankful that God doesn't force Himself on me in any way and when I come to Him, I do so of my own free will.


• Emotion - again, at times, it feels like I might be better off without emotion, but through the highs and the lows, I am thankful that we have the gift of emotion. When I hear a song or read a story that moves me beyond facts, I love it.


• I love the ability that we have to dream and hope and have faith. It's what leads us on to other things, it's what causes us to change, it's what causes us to risk and to do things that we might not naturally do.

List the components of your perfect day... (this one is so much fun and will change often, but this is what a perfect day for me would be right now.)

• Jude will have slept all the way through the night until about 8:30 am with no stirring and I will not have awoken throughout the night wondering why he wasn't stirring.


• Jude comes into bed with Colin and me to play for a while - we laugh and play games.


• Up we get, dressed and off for a late breakfast, brunch it might be called, a proper English breakfast.


• Did I mention that we are in Scotland? In Edinburgh, staying in a house on the Firth of Forth.


• Then we are off for a walk along the beach, flying a kite along the way. It's intermittently sunny and cloudy. It's cool enough to wear jackets, but not freezing cold.


• We head into to town to wander the streets and browse the shops. We find a lovely coffee shop where we can stop and read for a while as Jude plays in the specially designated kids play area. I choose not to have coffee, but have an Irn Bru instead.


• We continue our wanderings through town while Jude naps in his stroller. I find some amazing clothes, on sale, that no one at home will have and that are super funky.


• When Jude wakes up, we climb up Arthur's Seat together, we take lots of photos and have a great time rolling in the grass.


• We head back to our rented house, Jude and Colin play together while I sit in a big over sized chair by the window reading, uninterrupted for an hour.


• Then it's time to feed Jude some dinner and get him ready for bed.


• The babysitter comes after Jude is asleep and Colin and I head off for the pub. We have fish and chips and talk and laugh and make some plans.


• We move to the bar side of the pub and I have a pint of cider while we continue our talk, we play a couple games of cards too.


• Then it's back home, say goodbye to the babysitter, make some Milo and play a game of Settlers which I win, but not by too much.


• Then it's off to bed...

I guess that's enough for now. As I was thinking about my perfect day, I thought of so many other "perfect" days that I could have. I suppose that if I can't have it all in one day, I can make some of it happen over several days. Maybe not it Scotland...

Here's my boys, not on Arthur's Seat, but in Grandma and Grandpa's backyard. They're both making funny sounds with their lips.

Bushes, Trees and Plants

So we were out for a walk this evening - off to Felony Park as I like to call it (that's another story). As we were walking along, I was pointing out the flowers, the dogs, the birds, the trees. Suddenly it hit me, Jude is going to have to learn the difference between trees, bushes, shrubs, hedges, plants - what the heck?!!? Who teaches children these things? Am I expected to try to explain the difference to him? This parenting thing is not for pansies! (Now a pansy is a flower, it's different from a daisy or a rose, I'm not sure how to explain it, but trust me, they are different - I should know, I've had a child!)

Time Keeps on Slipping into the Future...

Sunday was a glorious day in the midst of cloudy, cool weather. We took in the free concert at the amphitheater - it was pretty cool - it was a Sly and the Family Stone cover band. Jude chose that time to wander, dance, flirt, charm and impress on lookers. He also stood for the longest he'd ever stood on his own. Since then, he's been working on the standing thing more and more and just a while ago, he actually stood up on his own from sitting! It's exciting, but also sad as the milestones approach, are conquered and quickly forgotten. He's just growing and changing so much. He's talking a lot too and actually communicating quite well. We are proud...

Here he is off for a walk with Dad.

A few weeks ago, I encountered my old nemesis/best friend again after quite a long break...depression. I've always been a melancholy personality and over the years have struggled to varying degrees with depression. I've never seen a doctor about it or taken medication (does self-medicating count?) There were times in my late teens and early twenties when I would nearly be defeated by it, it was so overwhelming and lasted so long. It has gotten better since those dark days. I wouldn't say that my life has been defined by it, I would have episodes every couple of months, but I think it has always been a part of who I am. I feel things deeply and so when depression comes along, hope is a thing that is hard to imagine. I now struggle with it much less often, but when it does come to visit, it is as strong as ever, if not as long-lasting. I also refer to it as a close friend, because, as a creative person, there have been times when I have harnessed what was happening to create some of my best art, record some of my best writings, and think some of my deepest and most profound thoughts. All that to say, that as a mother, it's a strange experience. Having Jude has changed our lives in all the obvious ways, but for me to transition into a stay at home mom had more impact than I thought it would. During this time a few weeks ago, I took a picture of Jude and I and worked with it in Photoshop to try and express how I was feeling. This wasn't a reflection on Jude or my joy at being his mom, this was about feeling like I was lost, fading, ceasing to have significance as anything but his mom.

I am thankful that I made it through that last bout, emerging into the light with renewed joy and not purpose, but resolve. I made some decisions and I'm actually working on following through with those decisions. More to follow on that in the days ahead. I believe that God can "heal" me of depression. I'm not convinced yet that He wants to or that I want Him to. Whether that's something wrong with me, or He has a purpose yet for it remains to be seen.

Jude and I - I love being a Mom

In other news, we have one helium balloon left from Jude's birthday party which was over a month ago now. It's getting to be a bit spooky because the balloon seems to move at will throughout the house, into the bathrooms, up and down the stairs. We are wondering if it's a spy balloon of some sort. It's kind of creeping me out though!

The creepy balloon - here it is at the bottom of the stairs, when I put Jude down for a nap about a half an hour ago, it was upstairs!

I'm reading a book right now that many people have recommended to me, The Shack. I'm almost half way through it and have yet to form a strong opinion, but I feel a sense of anticipation to complete it. It's enough right now for me that it's based in the Northwest of the US and that the author obviously loves Bruce Cockburn and is spreading that joy. Please, if you have never experienced the music of this amazing Canadian, please check it out. Everyone has a favoured album of their favourite artist, mine is Dart to the Heart.