Pregnant

So we waited almost 8 years to decide to have a baby. We never intended to, but somewhere along the line, we changed our minds. So by the time Jude arrives, it will be more than 8 years since we were married. I love that we waited so long, even though it means we are a bit older. Our relationship is rock solid and we've experienced so much together. Not that I feel in any way prepared for having a child!

Now about pregnancy. Nothing could have prepared me for how stressful it is. There are so many worries and I am a worrier. I thought that once I got pregnant, it would be smooth sailing. Then I thought if I can get past the first 3 months, there will be nothing to worry about. After that, I realised I will probably worry about this child for the rest of my life, inside or outside of me. Then there is the physical side fo being pregnant. It changes everything! This little alien inside of me has taken over many of my bodily functions, caused me pain, discomfort and makes me so tired! However, it's also amazing to feel him move around in there and to think that there is a little person - a whole nother human who is living inside of me and will be coming out to meet us soon. I am also probably over-educated which isn't helpful with a hypochondriac. I look things up on the internet all the time - every ache, pain or change. I have several pregnancy books as well. I hope all this has helped me to form a healthy child, but it's given me high blood pressure!

Then there is birth. I'm not ashamed to admit I am somewhat fearful about the whole process. I remind myself daily, that I was created to be able to do this and millions have women have done it down through the centuries and one way or another he will come out and we'll both be ok. He is a big baby like his Dad with a big head though! I am just praying I don't freak out totally.

Then there is the baby. So we've got some gear, we've decorated the nursery, we've bought clothes and nappies and a crib, but how do you take care of a baby? I don't think it's all intuitive, so where do you learn this stuff? I've got some books of course, but I just don't know. That's the physical side of things, what about raising a well-adjusted child who's not going to go out and become a mass murderer? There is this incredible weight of responsibility for caring for a child - body, soul and spirit. I hope we are up to it. It's easy to live a fairly selfish life when there are only the two of us to consider.

My sister and her husband just adopted a new born baby boy this week and I find myself worrying about him as well! It's an amazing thing though - they have wanted a child for as long as they have been married - 13 years. So they finally started the adoption process, but nothing was really happening and it dragged on. Then I show up pregnant and I know that was hard for them. So up to a couple of months ago, it looked like I would have a child before them. My prayer had always been for them to have a child before us. Anyway, God must have been involved because this miracle has happened and their son was born less than a week ago now.

So those are some of the thoughts that go through my mind as I contemplate the last months and think about what is in store for us in a few weeks.