37 Things

I had my 37th birthday a couple of weeks ago. Following Katie and Bo's example, I've decided to list my 37 favourite things as of this moment (in no particular order).

1. September (sadly it's passed for another year) It's the beginning of Autumn, my favourite season and it's also the month that gave me Colin Blackett, but that's a story for another number.
2. Colin Blackett - my best friend, my son's amazing father and a wonderful husband (also born in September).
3. London, England - it's hard to describe, but it's probably my true home, my heart's home.
4. Jude Lewis Blackett - my joy, my challenge, my greatest achievement though I feel I've had little to do with how wonderful he is. He's funny, he's clever, he's a great teacher.
5. Water - in all its many wonderful forms - oceans, rivers, lakes, rain, snow, ice, in a tall cold glass, dew...
6. Science Fiction - love it, it's taken me places that my feet can never go.
7. Jim Stephens - my Dad. Amazingly wise, incredibly up to date on just about everything, well-read, the best teacher ever, a wonderful writer and open-minded. I hope I grow up to be like him.
8. Jean Stephens - my Mom. Incredibly faithful, brave, badger-like loyalty (you don't want to mess with her family!), wise, an amazing teacher, and, of course, the best Grandma ever. I hope I grow up to be like her.
9. Magazines - I love magazines, I'm taking a year or so off of new subscriptions, but I do love them. Fashion magazines - In Style and Vogue are favs, Real Simple, Parenting Mags, Paste Music, Relevant, Layers...read on.
10. Stephanie Smith - my sister, my best friend. We're shared so much over the years including all the usually sibling fights, but we're still friends. She is so incredibly generous, sensitive, strong, creative, talented and she's also a great wife and mom. I hope I grow up to be like her. She's also got a super husband, Philip and a wonderful son, Jesse.
11. New Zealand. I love NZ first and foremost because it brought me Colin. However, it's also breathtakingly beautiful, rugged, fun, friendly. They didn't have to do much to make it look like Middle Earth and Narnia, I think heaven will look a lot like New Zealand.
12. Books - nuf said.
13. Wood floors.
14. Art galleries.
15. Purses. I love them in all their shapes and sizes, but unfortunately I don't last too long without a big bag. I am, however, on a seemingly never-ending search for the perfect handbag.
16. Guinness.
17. English cider.
18. English pubs.
19. Youth with a Mission. It certainly has its faults, but it's good at it's heart and I love it and am thankful for it.
20. Our small group - also known as the Game and Fun group.
21. PBS Kids.
22. The library.
23. Bob Ross
24. Sign Language for kids.
25. God. Faithful. I'm often not faithful, but He always is.
26. Netflix.
27. Thanksgiving Dinner - I love traditional Thanksgiving Dinner, but our family always mixes it up by choosing a different international flavor for each year.
28. Digital cameras.
29. The internet.
30. Spark People. It's helping me get healthy again.
31. My garden.
32. Faraway friends. I don't love that they are faraway, but I love them.
33. Hope. I'd be lost without it.
34. Shoes.
35. Facebook.
36. Reading to Jude.
37. Listening to Colin play with Jude.

Jim Stephens' Blog: Trust and Obey

Jim Stephens' Blog: Trust and Obey

Finding the Me in Mothering

This is an article I wrote for our most recent MOPS Newsletter...

Hi, my name is Melissa, I’m Jude’s Mom, oh and I used to be so much more!

When I got married, the plan was that we weren’t going to have children. I was happy with that decision for years, 7 years in fact. We changed our minds and Jude was born a couple months after our 8 year anniversary.

In the time “pre-Jude” we did a lot. We lived in 3 different countries, travelled quite a lot, did some missions work and then we settled down here in Oregon, and I embarked on a career in the church. I had an amazing time, I was daily challenged, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, creatively and as a leader. I had quite a bit of responsibility and I loved it, though at times it was exhausting. When I got pregnant, my initial thought was that I would return to work. I took six weeks off after Jude was born and then went back to work (way too soon!). By twelve weeks I had resigned, jumped off the career path, let go of my work responsibilities and took on a whole new and unexpected role.

I love being a Mom, I never knew I would love it so much. It challenges me daily, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, creatively and as a leader. However, some days, it just feels like monotony, eat, sleep, change dirty diapers, worry about Jude, play games with Jude, sing silly songs to Jude. Gone is the daily interaction with other adults, brainstorming ideas, making things happen. Many days it’s just me and Jude. It’s taken me a while to realize that I’m still the same person I was before I became Jude’s mom. I’m learning to express my creativity in different ways and to understand that my role as a leader has never been more important.

There are days when I still get a bit nostalgic for the “good old days”, when I long for an adult-sized challenge or a conversation about anything besides kids, but more and more I am realizing that I am right where I am supposed to be, doing what I love. And if I happen to meet you for the first time, I’ll say, “Hi, my name is Melissa, I’m Jude’s Mom.

Words Fail Me

Thanks to Randall for alerting us to the presence of this fine piece of art...

8 Hours a Night?!?!

We all know that as parents, you enter a new season of life (I have no idea how long it lasts) where you get less sleep than the average person. The first few months were rough - we were enjoying being parents, but we were beyond exhausted. It was like that feeling when you've been travelling for a long time in a single journey, you've had 3 flights already and you're in the airport waiting for your last flight with a 2 hour lay over. That got better though and we got into more of a routine and eventually Jude was sleeping through the night more than he was not. There were still occasional nights when he would wake up, but it wasn't too bad.

The last couple of weeks, Jude has been waking up 2-5 times a night. He's not really crying, just whimpering and whining. Sometimes it last 10 minutes, sometimes an hour. Sometimes it escalates to full on crying which means going in to comfort him back to sleep, never knowing if he'll stay asleep for the rest of the night or if he's just getting some rest for his next act.

I'm realising how important sleep is. Good, uninterrupted, deep sleep. During the day I am worn out, I am not feeling inspired or creative. I have lots to do and I get most of it (ok, some of it) done, but there sure ain't no spring in my step. We long for the night and yet dread going to sleep, wondering how long till we are awoken.

I know we don't have it too bad, we just got used to things the way they were. It's a bit stressful too, hoping that he's ok, that we are doing the right things.

All that to say, treasure your sleep, get it when you can, rejoice in the energy and strength it brings. Pray for Jude that he'll start sleeping through the night again!

This is How a Garden Grows

With the help of our wonderful friends, Matt and Tori, my dream of having a vegetable garden came to pass this year. I have what might be referred to as a "black thumb" - the thumb of death for all things green. Mostly this isn't a problem, we have a "natural" yard - not many plants or trees to take care of. I have some cacti that have mostly survived my ministrations or lack there of. I'm actually having a go with a jade plant right now - wish it luck!

So the garden idea was a leap of faith for me in many ways. When I was growing up in the States, my parents faithfully planted gardens and we regularly enjoyed the fruits of their labour (pun intended). In my memory, my contribution included weeding for an hour every Saturday, but my parents deny this vehemently. When we lived in Jamaica, we had fruit trees that grew on the property we lived on - oranges, ackee, rose apples, star fruit, guava - it was amazing.

So despite my failings as a horticulturalist, I wanted to have a garden of my own. Our friends helped us build some raised beds, fill them with beautiful, rich soil and also helped us out with seeds. I planted the seeds and the starts and I can honestly say that I had so little faith that they would actually grow. It seemed impossible that those little seeds could become anything under my care, but I faithfully watered the garden everyday without paying too much attention to what was going on. I was shocked when a couple of weeks later, green things started to poke their heads through the soil. Pretty soon there was a plethora of green with a little purple thrown in as my beets started to grow too. Nothing compared to the thrill of going out and finding lettuce ready to harvest and eat, sweet peas fat and juicy. Soon we'll be feasting on carrots, zucchini, beets. Yum! I'm already thinking about what I'll do differently next year, what I'll plant - I have faith now that I can do it!

There is nothing in the world like it. It's an amazing feeling to plant, to tend and to harvest. I highly recommend it. There are so many analogies for life in there, some obvious, some not so much - I'll let you have a think about those. For now, I wish you bon appetit!

Home Sweet Home

There have been a couple of places that I have either said or thought that I didn’t ever want to go to. When we lived in Jamaica, for some reason, I thought that the United Kingdom, England in particular, sounded so boring and backwards. I can remember thinking that there would never be a reason for me to want to go to England – there were plenty of other places in the world that I would like to go to without wasting time in England. Approximately 4 years later, I stepped off a plane at London’s Heathrow Airport and felt like I had come home. I’ve never shaken the intense “at home” feeling l had living in the UK – mostly in London, but also in the midlands.

Then, while I was living in London, and then doing missions work in various places, I said that I didn’t want to go to Africa – it was so cliché – everyone goes to Africa to do missions work. They don’t need me there – there’s so much happening already and besides, it’s so cliché! Partly, I felt like I had the world at my doorstep in London – I had interaction with Africans everyday. However, the opportunity arose to go to Uganda on a missions trip so who am I to thumb my nose at opportunity? I’ve never been the same. I’ve been twice. You only have to start talking about Uganda or East Africa and I am in tears ready to pack my bags and go. I’ve dipped my feet in the waters of Lake Victoria – they say that if you do that, you will always come back – that’s my prayer.

So I was driving on the Cascade Lakes Highway the other day – heading off for my first overnighter without Jude. I was driving from Bend to Elk Lake. I have to tell you, it is so amazingly beautiful. The mountains, the lakes, the meadows. I was enjoying it and yet there was something niggling at the back of my mind and heart – I wasn’t really happy. I was feeling temporal and unsatisfied, something that I’ve felt a lot for the last few years. So I thought about it and even said a prayer. I realized that there was another place that I had said and thought and wished that I would never go. I never wanted to live in middle-class, suburban America. That’s where I’ve been for the last 6 years.

I won’t go into the whole story, but we moved here on purpose and with forethought. I believe we were supposed to come here. I think Bend is beautiful, a great place to raise kids and Bend has been good to us for the most part. However, I have never felt like it was home. For six years, through buying a house, different jobs, buying cars, having a child, making friends, getting involved, I’ve never let it become our home – I’ve always seen it as a temporary thing, a stopping point before moving on. I think that I’ve really blown it. I think that God sent us here to this place where I’ve had more culture shock and angst than I ever had in a foreign country and I’ve fought it. I’ve wasted time. God sent us somewhere that wasn’t home – more a foreign experience to me than anywhere I’ve lived and because it wasn’t what I necessarily wanted, I’ve been in turn angry, petulant, depressed, apathetic and distant.

It was quite a revelation to me as I travelled down the road. I’m not even sure now what I am to do with this knowledge. I asked God for forgiveness, I know that’s always a good first step. I don’t know what God wants us to do here, what He wants to do in us. I know that my heart still yearns for the city, for the nations and I don’t know if or how those yearnings will come to pass. I do know that I am ready to stop wasting time wishing I were somewhere else. I know that I do love Bend and it is my home.