Time Keeps on Slipping into the Future...

Sunday was a glorious day in the midst of cloudy, cool weather. We took in the free concert at the amphitheater - it was pretty cool - it was a Sly and the Family Stone cover band. Jude chose that time to wander, dance, flirt, charm and impress on lookers. He also stood for the longest he'd ever stood on his own. Since then, he's been working on the standing thing more and more and just a while ago, he actually stood up on his own from sitting! It's exciting, but also sad as the milestones approach, are conquered and quickly forgotten. He's just growing and changing so much. He's talking a lot too and actually communicating quite well. We are proud...

Here he is off for a walk with Dad.

A few weeks ago, I encountered my old nemesis/best friend again after quite a long break...depression. I've always been a melancholy personality and over the years have struggled to varying degrees with depression. I've never seen a doctor about it or taken medication (does self-medicating count?) There were times in my late teens and early twenties when I would nearly be defeated by it, it was so overwhelming and lasted so long. It has gotten better since those dark days. I wouldn't say that my life has been defined by it, I would have episodes every couple of months, but I think it has always been a part of who I am. I feel things deeply and so when depression comes along, hope is a thing that is hard to imagine. I now struggle with it much less often, but when it does come to visit, it is as strong as ever, if not as long-lasting. I also refer to it as a close friend, because, as a creative person, there have been times when I have harnessed what was happening to create some of my best art, record some of my best writings, and think some of my deepest and most profound thoughts. All that to say, that as a mother, it's a strange experience. Having Jude has changed our lives in all the obvious ways, but for me to transition into a stay at home mom had more impact than I thought it would. During this time a few weeks ago, I took a picture of Jude and I and worked with it in Photoshop to try and express how I was feeling. This wasn't a reflection on Jude or my joy at being his mom, this was about feeling like I was lost, fading, ceasing to have significance as anything but his mom.

I am thankful that I made it through that last bout, emerging into the light with renewed joy and not purpose, but resolve. I made some decisions and I'm actually working on following through with those decisions. More to follow on that in the days ahead. I believe that God can "heal" me of depression. I'm not convinced yet that He wants to or that I want Him to. Whether that's something wrong with me, or He has a purpose yet for it remains to be seen.

Jude and I - I love being a Mom

In other news, we have one helium balloon left from Jude's birthday party which was over a month ago now. It's getting to be a bit spooky because the balloon seems to move at will throughout the house, into the bathrooms, up and down the stairs. We are wondering if it's a spy balloon of some sort. It's kind of creeping me out though!

The creepy balloon - here it is at the bottom of the stairs, when I put Jude down for a nap about a half an hour ago, it was upstairs!

I'm reading a book right now that many people have recommended to me, The Shack. I'm almost half way through it and have yet to form a strong opinion, but I feel a sense of anticipation to complete it. It's enough right now for me that it's based in the Northwest of the US and that the author obviously loves Bruce Cockburn and is spreading that joy. Please, if you have never experienced the music of this amazing Canadian, please check it out. Everyone has a favoured album of their favourite artist, mine is Dart to the Heart.